After weeks of pretending not to know what "waterboarding" is, and if it constitutes torture, the nominee for the highest law enforcement position today volunteered to be subjected to the procedure today, Senate officials said. "This is the only way I can stop the terrorists," said the nominee. "If I remain comfortable and ignorant as my minions rain blows and tortures down on my fellow man, I'm no better than a common criminal. You know, like Cheney. I could never live with that."
In preparation for the experiment, an old dunking booth from the Washington Mall 1899 fairgrounds was brought out of storage, hosed down, and filled with water drained from the Supreme Court pool.
"We're gonna strap him down, and ride 'em 'til he's pink!" said a CIA agent from Texas who preferred to remain anonymous.
Staffers in John Conyers office are eager waiting to transcribe what Mukasey reveals under the procedure.
About his nominee, Bush said, "He's a good man. We can't give in to terror. I'm confident that Judge Muskasey will not sob like a Huntsville inmate. God, I hate that."
The dunking will begin 9 a.m. Friday.
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